Sunday, December 04, 2005

Idiots on my stage

Occassionally in this play of life we encounter characters that in a different context we would loathe for all the right reasons - no personality, no sense of humour, unacceptable maturity levels (low, high or otherwise), unacceptable reactions to intoxicating substances (legal, illegal or otherwise), bad body odour, ownership of cowboy hats...the list could go on. The problem usually stems from the relationship that these unfortunate characters have with a beloved character. At first, one wonders how the beloved could possibly entertain thoughts of friendship with such poor specimens of humanity. Could beloved have some kind of disturbance to the brain stem or a severe case of social loyalty that causes an irrational love for these people? After it becomes clear that the beloved cannot be swayed from these feelings, one must resign oneself to the fact that these untowards must be integrated in your cast of characters and make an appearance on the stage at least weekly - possibly more. The difficulty with these guest appearances is integrating them into the plot with minimal disruption or conflict - particularly when the protagonist is a hot-headed loudmouth. And as head writer and director of my play I am stumped by how to proceed in such a plot. I've tried acting through two storylines - one involves befriending these characters (a high degree of oscar-nominated acting is required here) and the other involves being openly beligerant and judgmental. Neither have adequately resolved the issue, but I'm not sure if anything ever will. Because really, no good story was ever conflict free.
I'll let you know how the story unfolds.

Friday, December 02, 2005

In the presence of idiots

there should really be a service where you could hire a consultant to come to your workplace, identify all of the idiots and then make their idiocy known to not only their bosses but also to them. the worst kind of idiot is really the kind that thinks they know of what they speak. they sit in meetings and initiate long-winded conversations (usually involving technology) which they have absolutely no training or experience in and then proceed to debate and challenge the decisions made by others on the team. now, i'll be the first to admit that i'm pretty much a huge snob and that i'm quick to label others with the "low-literacy" label...but i feel that at this point i can take it no longer. i have a workplace idiot. let's call him mr.smug. mr.smug needs to die a slow, horrible, cancerous death. and no, if you knew him you would know that this is not overly harsh.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Vege Challenge: The Winner!...well okay, third place

my lapse from carnivorism was rewarded this week when i found out that i came in third place in the vegetarian challenge! yay me! they published my tragic story (along with some similar tragedies) and then asked me to choose my prize. that's right, i got to CHOOSE my prize. i love hippies. haven't found out exactly what it is yet, but i'm sure it won't be mcdonald's gift certificates.

Second base with the devil...

we've now moved on from just shaking hands with the devil and rounded the corner to second base...that's right, the devil has his hand up my shirt.
after many sleepless nights and ethical mind cramps i believe that we've almost reached a decision in the MammothBookstore Inc.* "health expert" process. after meeting yesterday with a little twat that i could easily see fitting into the Mammoth environment, i became swayed by the promise of free books and expert recognition. now i know i know, i should be able to control myself but i am an honest to god bibliophile. i'll admit it. the thought of boxes of free books coming in every month sends little excited chills up my spine.
back in the day i used to do processing for a public library system, and every friday we'd have four huge boxes full of new was pretty much christmas morning for me every friday.
....but i digress.
eh hem (that means clearing of the throat), Mammoth owns my soul. may the book gods forgive me for my sins.

*name has been changed to protect the innocent, namely me.