Saturday, February 25, 2006

Girlfriend kryptonite

Last night I performed one of the most gracious acts that a girlfriend can bestoy upon her dirty mind, not that...i went to the car show. Let me clarify that I was asked to attend with bf and despite my assertion that i would be a miserable, whinging mess he still insisted that i go. so whatever.

there were several things that i was unaware of: 1. the car show takes place over three hu-mung-ous venues. 2. there are men hired to dust and polish the cars on a regular schedule. 3. the sell beer nuts and caramel apples and the scent of cured meat hangs heavy in the air. delish.
i was also somewhat unaware of the severe case of carlust experienced by men. it was crazy. who needs viagra when you've got a shiny green jaguar with beige interior?

at least i got to park myself in a smart car though, that was fun.

although i did have to sit next to the weird lady with the french braid.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Where the fish

I've always found it odd that while gorging myself at the local mammoth chinese restaurant there are large hideous koy swimming beneath the entrance, mouths agape and looking for stray chicken ball crumbs.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Valentine's Day Massacre

...okay the title is a little bit more dramatic than need be, but i've got a real gripe with the floral industry on this one. this past v-day both my roommate and i received gorgeous floral bouquets from our bf' they were delivered to our places of work and sat under clear cellophane and ribbons waiting to be unwrapped. the cutest part about the floral delivery has to be the tiny, precious little muffin cards that come with them. mine was wrapped in a gorgeous wee creamy envelope, todie's in crisp white. now, i must admit that it must be a source of great stress for the new bf to decide what goes on the v-day flower card. particularly when words like "love" are so loaded at such a precarious time of the relationship. and some bf's must find the act of communicating to the florist what they should write on the card somewhat mortifying...i mean you can't exactly say "love and kisses on all your pink parts" while a queue forms behind you. i'm only sayin'. but let me get to the point. and that is this, two bf's went to a florist, ordered george bouquets and communicate the appropriate message to be delivered with said bouquets. now it seems that a twisted game of "telephone" was played between the verbal instructions and the writing of the cards. neither card had the same message. in FACT, both cards had additional words that made the message more "lovey" if you will. hearts were drawn, declarations were made, gf's were freaked out. what is this sick and twisted game you play florists? are you trying to play a blind game of cupid? or should it be assumed that all that queen anne's lace and baby's breath has affected your auditory and cognitive functioning? shame on you florists. shame on you.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Mix Master, Cut Faster

tonight i'm all alone because my lovely roomate has gone out on a date and my boyfriend is on an outing with his boyfriends. at first i was excited to sit and watch tv....but i quickly realized that quality tv is a rarity on a friday night. so after puttering around, trying to avoid laundry and vacuuming (how sad could a friday night get?) i found a couple of cd's given to me for my bday last week by my most excellent friend kyle (and i'm not just saying that because he's the only one reading my blog).
so kyle makes cd's. and he's pretty much the best dj i have ever encountered. now, i'll admit that i haven't encountered alot..but he's pretty damn good. dj'ing is a skill that many people consider an inherent skill, but i say oh no to that. it is most definitely a skill unique to a few of the chosen, not just the jewish (although i'm sure there are many fantastic jewish dj's...wasn't nicole richie going to marry one?). i digress.
so i start listening to a cd while checking my email and playing...and low and behold 15 minutes later i find myself belting out Xanadu into a pink highlighter/microphone. which was quickly followed by "My baby takes the morning train"..."Girl you'll be a woman soon"...a song from Dirty Dancing (which can only be good)...Split Enz...ALL AMAZING SONGS. i'm not sure who's more annoyed at this point, the neighbors or the cat but really i could care less. who needs a room for karaoke? me and my pink highlighter are taking it on the road.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Death to Smokey

a few evenings ago i was out drinking a very large tequila-based slushy drink and had the unfortunate experience of being forced to do so within a large glassed in area where everyone seemed to be engaged in tobacco smoking. now, i'm not the judgmental type...okay even i laughed at that one. i'm the most judgmental asshole that ever lived. but putting that aside, people that smoke are the biggest assholes on the planet. they should be forced to put out their cigarettes on their own flesh. that way they'd get infected, die horrible deaths and their genetic material would inevitably die with them.
the amazing part of the evening was that we got to sit next to an FDIP (first date in progress). and not only did the chick have huge carmen soprano-esque fingernails, but she was also grasping a dumaurier light between those death clutchers. todie and i were openly judgmental, scoffing and staring at the burning cancer stick. and within ten minutes of seating we witnessed the following exchange:
Girl: [lights 2nd cigarette and tries to blow smoke gracefully towards the space between our two tables]
Boy: so....i've never dated anyone who smokes before.
Girl: [stoney silence] oh. [takes enormous drag from cigarette and refrains from graceful exhale]
it's at these times that i really wish that i had a camera phone so that i could take a quick image of her fingernails. i mean really. i haven't seen shit like that since the 80s, they really needed to be photographed.

on a popculture note remember when that guy on x-files was called cancer man and then they changed his name to cigarette smoking man? yah, i hated that. they should have just told it straight. i also could have handled:
* breath that makes me wanna puke man
* smoking has affected his erection man
* tracheotomy man
* chemo makes my flesh burn guy

oh shut up, you smoke, you rot, you die. suck it up.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Beautiful decorations

Ed thinks tequila makes a great bday gift

Partying like i'm 29

this past weekend my bf and bestest friends threw me a lovely bday party. after a long and exhausting conference i was glad to have a nice full of debauchery and cake.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Groundhog get's older

Today is my birthday. the last birthday before i begin to celebrate my thirties. it's okay, i'm cool with that. not like i'm counting the wrinkles or regreting missed opportunities. although i am starting to feel a few itches.
itch 1. well, i did receive some eye wrinkle cream for christmas. i'm not kidding. santa brought it and left it in my stocking. what's a girl to do?
itch 2. it may be the coinciding with OLA but i'm beginning to feel a career itch. beginning to question the direction i'm taking and the effect that my choices may have on my future career directions.
itch 3. my leg. seriously my leg is itchy, it may be because of the cold weather and the wear of my running tights.
it's funny because someone was just telling me the other night that 29 can be a seriously revolutionary age. that many strange events can be had...and i had to think back that i felt the same way at 19. at 19 i lost 25 pounds, i went on a health binge, i took up mountain biking and when i went away to university that fall i decided to leave behind the "reputation" (or lackthereof) that i had in high school.
i'm not sure what all of that means for my 29th year, but i'm ready. i'm ready to try something new and i think i have a few ideas to kick things off. it may not be quitting my job, collecting pogie and eating bon bons while watching dr.phil....but by this time next year the road should be at least a little bit more focused.