Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Death to Smokey


a few evenings ago i was out drinking a very large tequila-based slushy drink and had the unfortunate experience of being forced to do so within a large glassed in area where everyone seemed to be engaged in tobacco smoking. now, i'm not the judgmental type...okay even i laughed at that one. i'm the most judgmental asshole that ever lived. but putting that aside, people that smoke are the biggest assholes on the planet. they should be forced to put out their cigarettes on their own flesh. that way they'd get infected, die horrible deaths and their genetic material would inevitably die with them.
the amazing part of the evening was that we got to sit next to an FDIP (first date in progress). and not only did the chick have huge carmen soprano-esque fingernails, but she was also grasping a dumaurier light between those death clutchers. todie and i were openly judgmental, scoffing and staring at the burning cancer stick. and within ten minutes of seating we witnessed the following exchange:
Girl: [lights 2nd cigarette and tries to blow smoke gracefully towards the space between our two tables]
Boy: so....i've never dated anyone who smokes before.
Girl: [stoney silence] oh. [takes enormous drag from cigarette and refrains from graceful exhale]
it's at these times that i really wish that i had a camera phone so that i could take a quick image of her fingernails. i mean really. i haven't seen shit like that since the 80s, they really needed to be photographed.

on a popculture note remember when that guy on x-files was called cancer man and then they changed his name to cigarette smoking man? yah, i hated that. they should have just told it straight. i also could have handled:
* breath that makes me wanna puke man
* smoking has affected his erection man
* tracheotomy man
* chemo makes my flesh burn guy

oh shut up, you smoke, you rot, you die. suck it up.

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