Monday, May 29, 2006

Overheard During the Race

Sweaty guy #1: So, where would you say that you sweat the most on your body?
Sweaty guy #2: ......
SG #1: .. i mean...of the places that you can see...
SG #2: i dunno...i guess my head?

This was almost enough to keep me laughing across the finish line. If only I hadn't been sweating so much that my head felt like exploding. Although the vision of my road warrior Mr. John Stanton afterwards was enough to propel me into fits of frenzy. Picture it, walking back into the hotel, sweaty as a MF'er, shirt soaking in water that i poured on myself at the 8km mark...and who do I see sitting fresh as a roadside daisy? Old JS himself. He gives me a little smile and nod and then he gives me a thumbs up. I was beside myself. And it was enough to keep the bf jealous all night. Good times.




I was also witness to some very suspect runner torture at the expo. Horrifying stuff. Luckily the canal was enough to keep most of us inspired through to the end.


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Saskatchewan...not just a drinking game

don't misinterpret me when i say that i consider myself an atypical librarian. yes, i am known to "bun" and yes i do look over the rim of my glasses while judging people for their lack of intelligence...but all that aside i still don't consider myself one of the backroom dwelling, vintage book sniffing, technology eschewing spinsters. so i find it all too amusing when i come across other atypical professionals at conferences that are brimming with stuffiness and pretention.
tonight at the banquet of chla i was tickled to discover the devilish behavior of the table behind me (at which time i kicked myself for choosing the wrong table). it seems that during a teary-eyed, heart-felt speech introducing the winner of "Librarian of the Year" (yes there is such an award, and yes i do aspire to it one day) there were several repetitions of the word "Saskatchewan". i was clearly too engrossed in my creme brulee to notice but the library lush table decided that this was a perfect opportunity to play a wordplay drinking game, and that everytime the speaker said the secret word "Saskatchewan" they were all to take a deep swig from their glass.
nice.
i'm so pissed that i didn't think of it.
and moreso that i wasn't able to partake. but thank god that the "less shushing more lushing" mantra lives on.
lush on librarians, lush on.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Too pretty to drink...almost

a latte from the infamous "Cafe Artigiano", conveniently located directly behind the hotel :)

Hamilton Mountain was no mountain at all, discuss

i caught the rocky mountain buzz on the plane to vancouver saturday. i mean really, look at this picture. it's ridiculously gorgeous. so gorgeous it makes me wanna puke. the wave of nausea continues everytime i step out onto the vancouver streets.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Bowels of the Library

Today someone shit in the library.
A first in my career and I'm hoping a last as well.
A man literally came into the library and told me that he had "lost control of my bowels" and there was liquified shit running down the inside of his pant legs and pooling on the library floor.
I sat. Stunned.
When all was said and done he probably had to stand for five minutes before I could get anyone to come in and clean up both him and the spot. I'm still shocked at how the whole thing went down. Not only at how slow help was to arrive, but also at my own ineptness in the situation. Usually when challenges present themselves I'm able to think quite quickly and work to disarm the situation...temporarily at the very least. But not this time. I mean...they don't teach this shit in library school (no pun intended).
And the image that I just can't erase from my mind is that poor man hunched over in the library, clutching my desk, the desire to disappear evident on his face.
Jesus, I think this is the first time in my life that poop isn't funny. Let's hope this is just a phase.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Cross-eyed

yesterday i had my bi-annual ocular exam...none too pleasant. particularly when they put anaesthetic in my eye and proceed to push a small blue rod into it....i can't talk about it....i'm gagging.
anyhoo, other than the proper george prada glasses that i picked out, i was also pleasantly surprised by my doctor's offer to share these gruesome photo's with me. i'm such a narcissist.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Overheard in Toronto: Kitchen Edition

In my kitchen today

Roommate: Michelle, I swear that I'll raise your first born child if you dry these tupperwear containers for me.

Awesome, you can't even get Nanny's this cheap from the Philippines.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

To sleep, ah to dream

"i lay in bed comforted by the snufflings and sudden gasps of my husband beside me. i love it when he sleeps and i don't - when he's there, so proximal and innocent, and i'm awake, thinking. i love the way he breathes in and out,and how i don't have to worry about him at all. i can just inhale his warm, solid presence. i could really enjoy "sleeping around" in the literal sense - lying beside people i like, when they're asleep. it's so calming. i could be a sleep vampire."
m. jackson "Pain".

i randomly came across this entry today and was totally amazed at how much i could relate - yet had never thought about. mind you, i'm usually the one who starts drooling before the light is turned off, but there are those occassions (where the mind is churning) that i get to experience sleep vampirism. such a lovely idea.
sort of reminds me of those moments when you have to be up really early in the city (walk of shame, going to the airport, lining up for free turkeys) when no one else is awake and it feels like you have to tip toe through the streets so as not to wake the giant city.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Dorothy was right all along

So there, I've proven my friend Derek's theory that every day an Oz reference is made.
Let's move on.
the bf and i have just returned from a whirlwind european tour (much tamer than the national lampoon version, although with just as many busty germans) involving alot of delicious coffee, the elusive non-meat meal and lovely bidet's. we had a great time. waking up late. soaking in the sun. riding on trains. watching euro mtv. holidays are great.
that being said, there are a few vacay aspects that i could do without. hotel beds, lame continental breakfasts and other tourists. i try my best to assimilate to the territory and god knows the bf would rather eat his own tongue (which would technically violate the vegetarian law) than admit that he is a foreigner...particularly in europe. but there are still many times when i find myself slipping into the old "speak any english!?" character.
and when all was said and done and we boarded that plane in heathrow (ah england, we hardly knew ye) i felt myself aching for some sweet home toronto. i had an order of sushi, a litre of diet coke (screw this "coca cola light shit) and a buttload of corrie to assimilate me home.

Overheard In Toronto: Mother's Day Edition

okay...so it's an early mother's day edition.
Scene: Outside St. Lawrence Market. Beautiful day. Family filled street.

Child: [acting like a child]
Mother: What is it with you? Do you have a switch that you can turn on at this time everyday?....because you're really acting like an asshole.
Child: [scarred for life]
Me: [amazed and headed straight for the liquor store]

God bless you mothers, every one.