Wednesday, August 09, 2006

A History of Lies

throughout my long life of tall tales i have told some doozies to get me out of those tight and not-so-tight situations.
when i was in grade three i would fake blind spells and tell the teacher that i couldn't go out for recess (foreshadowing - she ended up making me work in the library).
in grade five i told kristen franchetto that i couldn't play outside with her because my leg was broken and in a cast - disregarding the fact that i'd see her at school the next morning (seems there's a trend here of me lying to avoid the out of doors, but that's another story).
in grade six i completely fabricated a two-month relationship with a boy in grade eight - even going so far as to write notes to me in his handwriting and putting gifts in my desk - all so that i wouldn't be the only girl without a boyfriend.

i suppose the reason i fall back on "lies" is because they keep working. my childhood acting career served me too well. my grade three teacher gave in to my blindness, kristin franchetto fell for my 24hr cast and my friends still believe my secret boyfriend story.

but today i was caught in a lie.
last year an annoying ex-bf was emailing me and pissing me off, so to get rid of him i told him i was getting married. marriage was like krytonite to him so i knew it would work - and it did. but today i ran into him on the street and the first words out of his mouth were "oh, where's your ring??".
CHRIST, i thought guys didn't look at that kind of thing! fucking hell.
so i had to say "oh...right...i made that up to get rid of you". he took it well.
clearly i'm driving the bus to hell, but that's not news to anyone.

Lies, Lies, Lies: the psychology of deceit
Be an Expert on Anything by Stephen Colbert (Wired Mag)
The Ex Factor

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