Wednesday, January 31, 2007

It's the most wonderful time of the year

When I was young (ages 5-14) there was one particular time of the year that I looked forward to like no other. I would dream about the day that I would wake up, go to school and there in the library would be the SCHOLASTIC BOOK SALE! It was always an important time for me not only because I got to be in the presence of so many new books (they were like heroin to me) but also because the book sale was held in my school library - of which I was the official student librarian (natch). Very early in my life I realized that I was not built for the terrifying shenanigans that went on during elementary school recesses.
Red rover? Hop scotch? Jumping from moving swing sets? Haven't these children heard of risk assessment?
And so it came to be that I spent all my spare time buried in the library. Soon after that our school librarian picked up sticks and my bumbling, adorable grade 4 teacher (Mr. V) was forced to take over. He knew nothing about libraries and hence it fell upon me to ensure that the library remained in tip top shape. I did the inventory, the shelf reading, circulation and overdue notices. I was ten.
Now that I am twenty nine (for two more days at least!) I have a new favorite time of year. And it starts tonight. The Ontario Library Association Superconference now fulfills my heroin-esque addiction. I get the free books, I don't have to go outside and there is no rough-housing...although sometime the open bar socials can get a bit rowdy.
Four hours and counting...I'm nearly peeing my pants in excitement.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Reflective Thoughts

In my current workplace we have a chaplain that sends out "Reflective thoughts" every week to staff members. They aren't too preachy but neither are they of the Jack Handey variety. I found this weeks thought to be quite appropriate and not just for myself.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Rather timely for those of us unsure of what our future holds. Whether we are homeless, jobless, directionless or loveless, at least we know that in the end somehow everything will work out alright. And that somehow, we'll pull our shit together.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Extreme Home Search 2007

It seems that the time has come once again to pick up sticks and move to a new apartment. In my five years in Toronto I have now moved three times, each time a better apartment than the last. In 2005 my friend Todie and I moved into this swank, gorgeous building in the heart of boystown. It's lovely. Unfortunately it's now been sold to a lovely lesbian couple whom I can only hope will immediately tear out the hideous carpet and replace all of the old hardware. So now we're striking out on our own and looking for new pads somewhere in the downtown vicinity.

I like to think that I have low standards, but frankly living in this building makes it hard to revert to the old way of life. My new list includes:
* must have two sinks in the kitchen
* WINDOWS are a must, the larger the better
* functioning bathtub
* access to free laundry facilities (not necessarily in the unit)
* must not smell like any of the following: dead mice, mothballs, curry, dirty bed, cigarettes or any form of animal or human secretions.

While I have only seen two units so far, I am hopeful that this years move will be a successful one. Fingers crossed.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Attention Toronto!

Stop what you are doing right now and look down to the floor space surrounding you. What you are looking for is one tiny, earring stud in the shape of a small flower. (see right)
Pay particular attention if you happen to be in any of the following places:
* a dressing room at H&M
* anywhere along the corridor of the level 1 in the Eaton's Centre
* treadmill number 2 at the Goodlife
* the dairy aisle of Sobey's.
I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that they are my most favorite earrings that the BF gave me from Tiffany's last Christmas - but the fact is that I'm nauseous with worry and guilt.
Goddamn my flabby earlobes.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Death to the UAE

Another shout out to my longtime partner in crime who this very week was completely Dooced and released from the evil grips of her UAE keepers.
No words can express my outrage, anger and the sad feelings that I get inside when I know that I will never again see her wee face on the body of a camel. Perhaps someone still has a's all I want for my birthday.
All I have to say to her is this, hurry home sister...the karaoke machine is getting cold without you.

Boyfriend of the Month

Just a quick shout out to my BF, who this month was voted "Studman of the Month" by his employer at large. Ok, I made that up. In all actuality I believe it was "Employee of the Month". There were actually some very, very sweet things said about him by his clients which made me very, very proud to kiss his wee face.
I believe it was something along these lines "Whenever we hear that BF is assigned to our job we know that we will receive the highest quality of work. We always feel safe in the BFs hands."
Which reminds me...these clients better not be chicks. Because if so, they're totally dead.

I wanted to photoshop together some kind of Employee of the Month plaque with the BFs face superimposed...but I knew that if I did I'd be strung up by my toenails. No fun that.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Sweet Baby Gyllenhaal

While I knew that sweet Jakey would be an adorable addition to the SNL cast, I had no idea that he would enthrall me with both his biceps AND his mad karaoke skills. I pretty much haven't been able to stop thinking about this performance since Saturday night.
Catch it quick, NBC apparently isn't too keen on the youtube versions.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Chestcold Revisited

Since the Wednesday past I have been experiencing a closing up of the throat. I assumed it was something to do with the stressful meeting I had that day (more on that to come) but as it carried through the next few days I braced myself with high-potency vitamins and hallucinogenic cold medications. On Saturday afternoon I collapsed on the couch and have yet to rise. Yesterday was the climax of it all - I hope. When I woke up in the morning I had that instant feeling that a bowling ball had taken up residency on the top of my skill. Accompanying the bowling ball was a chest full of mucus and a runny faucet of a nose. Gorgeous, I was not. I immediately gathered up all my pillows, book, phone, cup of tea, Kleenex and huge duvet and made camp on the living room sofa. It was grade five all over again.
For as long as I can remember I had my sick day mainstays.
In no particular order they are as follows:
1. Immediately flee the bedroom. Unless there is puking involved I will always want to stay out of my bedroom - god knows why, but it feels better to hack up a lung in the living room.
2. Lipton's Chicken noodle soup. My dad used to make me this soup and he would leave it simmering so long on the stove that the noodles would take over and it would be a cup of engorged pasta with a tiny bit of broth. I loved it then, love it now.
3. Drugs. I've always felt that over medicating was the best way to deal with a cold. My current favorite is to switch it up between Nyquil cold medication and Neo-Citran. The moment I take that shot glass of cherry flavoured liquid I can feel all the molecules in my body slowing down a bit. It puts a haze over my eyes and makes everything in the room a little bit softer. In my opinion it's the only real way to get over a cold and it's as close to a heroin high that I'll probably ever get.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Thank God I'm Old

An old friend of mine from high school (my very first crush if you must know) emailed me today about a potential wedding that I'm hoping he'll DJ in the fall. Within the message that he sent he gave me some updates on the gigs he'd had recently and also included a link to his "MySpace" account.

Now, I'm aware that being a professional in the world of information should make me familiar with the now infamous "MySpace" but the truth is that I went there once approximately one year ago and immediately decided that the site was hideous and I never wanted to visit it again. But being the curious git that I am, I had to check out my old friend's space. And I have to admit that it was okay. I got to see his new kid, here some of the music that he was hosting and read some comments from people that I don't know.

Upon further inspection I realized that from his page I could then link over to other graduates from our high school. Assuming that I'd find other 30somethings I jumped into the rabbit hole. Alas, the site was full of the unfortunate 19-25 year old crowd stuck in my unloved hometown.

While perusing their tawdry pictures and alcohol induced opening lines, I came to two conclusions:
1. The youth of Grimsby are all useless twats without a coherant bone fragment in their bodies.
2. I am old as fuck - and proud of it.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Listaholic Thy Name is Librarian

I have a sick, irresistable lust for all things in a list format. Not only do I make them for myself (and those around me) but I read all things list-y.
Which is why I died and went to heaven when I found this aggegrate of Lists of 2006

In particular I enjoy the idea of the List of Annoying Things, a little sedate for my taste but I agree with the Top 20 at least.