Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Thank freaking God, it's over!
Started the week by eating as much pumpkin pie as my mouth could fit. After all there must be some healing properties to gourds...right? Especially the ones covered in whipped cream.
Tuesday: 1km. I attempted to get a 6km run in, but after the first 4 minutes I got some of the worst cramps in my stomach and had to turn around. This did not bode well. Terror begins to set in.
Wednesday: 10km. Before I headed out the bf said "You better make sure you finish this one!". Thanks alot for the support bf. But I was determined not to psych myself out. I had a lovely route, it was chilly but not too windy and my legs were well rested. And it was great. An amazing run. I give most of the credit to the podcase I was listening to. Phedippidations had this amazing episode where runners called in and gave inspirational stories, told jokes and gave race reports from around the world. The best part (and I realize what a geek this makes me) occurred when each of them one by one said the phrase "I am a runner". I got chills and a little bit teary just listening. It was brilliant. Because I am a runner too. And I was ready to prove it.
RACE DAY!: 21 km. Despite the fact that Royal Cab was 30 minutes late and I nearly made our driver cry - we got there. The morning was beautiful - cold and sunny. My legs felt great and I was keeping up a great pace. My goal was 2:10 and when the 2:15 pace bunny began darting in and out of my path I started to lose my mind. I gave up a few walk breaks, ran hard on the downhills and downed both my gels. I've been told that I'm not allowed to be sad about my time - 2:11. After all, it is 11 minutes faster than last year. All in all it was an amazing morning and I'm never happier than when I'm hearing the thunder of running feet all around me. My friend Erin said that finishing a long run is the closest she'll get to a legal high - she's definitely right, minus the patchouli stank.
Sunday: 20km. I didn't get out until midday despite my best efforts to simulate race morning. Took a gel out with me to give it a go before the big day and thank god for that, because I nearly collapsed about half way through. Pretty much had to haul my ass across University Ave just to get home, but I managed to make it alive. The next few days however were killer on my legs.
Wednesday: 4km. Treadmill run. Wanted to stop the entire time.
Thursday: 6km. Last track session. There were high school kids drinking on the bleachers - I was intimidated. Ran three laps, pulled a hamstring muscle on the last round and then came home defeated. Felt like I needed to marinate myself in an epsom bath for approx. 2 weeks.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Index Liberis Prohibitorum - Index of Forbidden Books for Children
The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Dad's New Wife Robert
Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
The Little Sissy Who Snitched
The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
Some Kittens Can Fly
Strangers Have the Best Candy
Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
You Were an Accident
Your Nightmares Are Real
You're Different, and That's Bad
(source: Steven Olderr, Webmaster, Anglican Library Society)
Monday, October 06, 2008
Sunday: 10km. Didn't dare attempt the 15km that I was scheduled for. Barely made it to 3km before I started getting stitches. Continued for the rest of the run. Felt like crying by the time I got home, but at least I got my ass out the door. That's what mattered.
Monday: 5km. Morning run. Legs still felt heavy and sluggish, but no stitches today. Cold morning air felt really good.
Wednesday: 4km. Ran on treadmill, tried to focus on a quick turnover to wake my legs up. Still feeling a bit heavy but pace was good and breathing steady.
Friday: 3km quick run in the morning + 7km at the track in the evening. Ran 6 quick laps and felt really good. Legs feeling much more responsive and light.
Ended up leaving the track a bit early because a gaggle of teenagers showed up readying themselves for Beer Mile. Aw, these kids today with their drinking and their track & field.
I definitely need to start stretching more as my distances start to add up, but race day is coming up fast. I can hardly believe that it's time to start tapering!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Tuesday: 4km on the treadmill in our hotel. I ran while overlooking the Montparnasse cemetary where Simone de Beauvoir and Sartre are buried. Good run. Nothing like an acre of tombstones to get your motor running.
I did give myself permission to slow down on the training while we spent a week in France and a week in Spain. Good thing too, because this was my only run for the whole vacation.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
After the rather hilly and taxing long run on Sunday I had a good day of recovery on Monday. Lots of lying around watching Gossip Girl always does the trick.
Tuesday: 5km on the treadmill. Joints all felt fine but I had some strange pains in my lower back, this happens sometimes on the treadmill, throws my stance off I think. I was also running sprints that day, so there's that.
Thursday: 7 hills + 6km. Really, really good run. Hills felt good, practiced my downhill sprints using a technique I just read about in Runners World. Seemed to help with my knees. Only one week left of hills!
Friday: 5km. This was supposed to be a 6km morning run. Woke up to humidex of 30 degrees at 7am. This should be illegal. My British genes recoil from these temperatures and long for the fog and wind. Needless to say, it was not a good run. This was one of those days where I feared for my bowels. Lots of walking.
Sunday: 17 km. Ran a flat route across the Danforth this time, felt much better. The fact that it was approximately 20 degrees cooler than last week also helped. Felt really great. The bf caught up to me at the end of his 32 km run (show off) and forced my ass to pick up the pace and practically sprint home. Good times. I love those rare opportunities when we get to be one of those smug couples that runs together.
Monday, September 01, 2008
I'm not sure what to blame. Allz I know is that there was a whole lot of pepto, ginger ale and gravol going on this week.
Aside from that loveliness, I also bought my first pair of running glasses! You may have noticed in my pic from the Midsummer Nights Run that I was sporting my pair of Nine West big, round, rhinestone-rimmed style. This has been my go-to pair for the better part of my running habit. Saddzies, I know.
Anyhoo, I got myself hooked up with a sweet little tortoise shell pair that I found at MEC. And I heart them real hard. No more pinching at the temples, no sweat pooling up on the bridge of my nose, no fellow runners laughing at my rhinestones.....
So here's how the week went:
Tuesday: 5km. Morning run. Felt good. Tried to add 10km in the evening, instead curled up with a bottle of Canada Dry on the couch. Thanks BF!
Thursday: 6 hills + 6km. Was feeling a little sick when I left the house and after 3 hills felt alot like rolfing. But I kept at it, 'cause that's what you do. Last 3 went great and really good run back.
Friday: 5km. HOT outside. Muggy as all get out. Was a suck = ran on treadmill.
Saturday: 6km. Hot again but a nice breeze. Made a game out of dodging students and crying mothers at UofT.
Sunday: 16km. Longest long run so far. Up to Eglinton, across and back. Loaded up on the sunscreen, grabbed a midrun Gatorade and felt really, really good...until I got to Bloor Street and then my stomach had something really important to say. Something that it just couldn't keep to itself. Something that needed to come up real fast. Managed to ignore it until I got back, but forced me to slow way down and practically walk the last 10 mins.
Here's hoping for a smoother week...
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sunday and Monday were spent recovering from the race on Saturday. Legs felt really good though so I did some cross-training on the elliptical and climbing machines at the gym.
Tuesday: 4km. Good evening run.
Wednesday: 5 hills + 6km. Hills felt really great this week and I was up and down in no time. The cool weather that morning really helped with keeping me up and alert I think. I scheduled a massage for later that day as well, which was an excellent idea on my part.
Thursday: Cross-trained on bike.
Friday: Headed out to do a 6km but only managed 5.2. High humidity in the morning and a poopy stomach didn't help the situation. Ended up taking a sick day and lying on the bathroom floor for awhile.
Saturday: 4km. Good run. Effing hot. Got to see all the students unloading their parents vans, always enjoyable to see university students with Hello Kitty stuffed animals.
Sunday: Scheduled to run 15km but didn't wake up early enough to beat the heat. Ended up swapping for a shorter run of 4km, will have to make that up tomorrow when the heat goes away. Ran on the treadmill, 'cause I'm a baby la la.
I also went back to the Running Room yesterday because of some pains in the arch of my right foot. I just got new shoes in May so I figured maybe I needed an insert. The manager (who also sold me those shoes, tsk tsk) watched me run and shook his head like I was the sorriest runner he'd ever seen. Then he brought me out two other pairs of shoes, which I tried and he was much more pleased. He did a straight exchange for the new pair which are Brooks Adrenaline GTS8 - apparently very good for girls with high arches and rubber ankles. Three cheers for the Running Room, I love that place.
We'll see how the Brooks make it through the week.
Friday, August 22, 2008
I passed the smoking Chinese guy surrounded by his white cloud of cancer; I smelled the rotting green bins that were put out too late; I got caught at the College Street light and had to bounce around for 30 seconds, my right ankle twitched on the inclines and I got a little stitch on the declines.
And when I woke up it took me at least a solid minute to determine if I still needed to run or not.
What the eff?
So the question is - can I put that run in my training log?
And when exactly is a shirtless Michael Phelps going to return to his REM duties? Seriously. That boy is slacking.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I'm gonna say this straight up because I don't want to mess you around. We're officially through.
We've had some really good times - lots of laughs, tears and fashion mishaps. And that's how I choose to remember you. As the good Hills that I once I knew. Sadly, you are now merely a shell of your former self.
I say this because I care about you. You need to kill Heidi & Spencer and then you need to put an end to all of this insipidness - turning the gun on yourself is the only way to save us all.
Please don't cry and resort to theatrics, we've all seen enough of that. And don't bring out threats of another sex tape, it only makes you appear needy. I know that this season you're trying to pull out all the stops with some young, hip music, a fresh lipgloss and a few shots of Restylane ... but it's just not going to work. I'm just not that into you anymore.
I'm sorry if I sound way harsh, but I don't want to confuse your small, feeble brain.
The Hills - you're dead to me.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Overall it was a good week, despite the fact that my body increasingly felt fatigued and sore. I can't decide if the running book that I've been reading is causing me to be more analytical, or if I'm actual experiencing symptoms of exhaustion. Either way I cut back a bit this week and focused more on relaxing and recovering before and after my long run.
Here's a look at the week:
Sunday: 12km across the Danforth. Made the stupid move of running during Taste of the Danforth. Dodged smells of roasting meats the entire first half. Great run though, cloudy and cool.
Tuesday: 4km. Out and back in the early morning.
Wednesday: 4 hills + 6 km. Once again I dodged the running clinics on the hill. This time there was just a cute, married couple. They cheered me on during my last hill. I love runners.
Thursday: Supposed to do 5km. Too sore. Too tired.
Friday: 3km makeup run. On the treadmill. Felt sluggish and tired. Slowed down to get through.
Saturday: 15km race - Midsummer Night's Run. I was nervous all day leading up to this one. An evening run throws off my entire eating and preparation schedule. Aside from some mild dehydration it was a great run. Great crowd and some really nice runners that helped keep me on pace. I was happy with a 1:34 time, still slightly slower than my half-marathon goal time....but I still have 11 weeks to go.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
And if this in any way causes you to think "hey, that chick has absolutely no coordination and enough thigh cellulite to choke a horse - if she can do it so can i" then I am happy to be of assistance.
Here we go then, last week I ran the following days and distances:
Sunday - 10 km through Rosedale. Was hell. Was hot. Wanted to die. But didn't.
Tuesday - 4km
Wednesday - 3 hills / 7.5 km. First day of hills, which I did in the morning to avoid the evening running clinics. Wasn't as bad as I thought. Did not puke.
Thursday - 5km. Great time, no walks.
Saturday - 3km. Ran at a sprinting pace (5:10km) after a little warm-up. Felt really good.
I'm still nine weeks away from the race so anything could happen. But I'm stretching a lot and trying to stay relaxed - plus I just invested in some new running shorts that I need to run the hell out of in order to justify the cost.
That's how I roll.
Monday, August 04, 2008
This morning the bf and I went for brunch a delightful little out-of-the-way joint and I had what might possibly be one of the most amazing breakfast experiences EVER. Caps are necessary here.
I ordered this Dutch-Oven Pancake, which, to my delight did not involve farting and pulling a blanket over my head. Quite the opposite actually.
This is a pancake, made very much like a real cake. With delicious crispy edges and amazing fluffy yet dense inards. And then they have the balls to smother it with blueberries and serve it with warm syrup and fresh whipped cream on the side.
I almost started to weep in the restaurant. But I knew that the hipster crowd would sense my weakness, stare me down over their oversized Golden Girl sunglasses and judge me silently. The worst of hipster punishments.
A few weeks ago I bought this pack of Crayola Crayons because they were on sale. Yes, I have a problem with sales at Staples...but that's another story.
So I took them home and smelled them for awhile and then went out and bought some colouring books to play around with. For those of you without children let me alert you to something. Kids don't colour anymore.
That's right. The racks that traditionally held the large books filled with cheap newsprint and Disney princesses are now being used for, wait for it...STICKER BOOKS.
Can you believe this shit? Alls of a sudden it's too much to ask a kid to choose between Burnt Sienna and Bittersweet. Now they just have to pull of some stickers and smack them down willy-nilly.
I weep for the future.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
For now, enjoy Rick. Rick! Rick! Rick!
Now if only I could remember the routine that I created for this song when I was seven...
Friday, July 11, 2008
My gall bladder just threw it's hand in the air and stormed out of the room, muttering something along of the lines of "Go Fuck Yourself".
This morning I'm off to the land of the luther in search of cheap clothes, chicken wings and cheesecake. If border security starts monitoring blood sugar levels we are so screwed.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Now I have to say that to this day this movie is still one of my ultimate favorites. I was in love with Janey Glenn way before Carrie Bradshaw got drunk at Tunnel and made out with the waiter. Way. Before.
And how stinking hot is Lee Montgomery in this movie? Jebus.
My little sister has now worn my copy of the VHS tape down to a nub, so I'll be looking to get a DVD copy asap. Especially now that my appetite for DTV has been revived.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Over the past month or so I've been collecting those items in my spam box that have peaked my interest, or caused me to laugh out loud.
Since they've given me such joy, wonderment and curiosity over who the hell writes these things and what they're supposed to mean - I thought that I would share the lot with you.
Please feel free to share your own delicious spam samples.
1. More meat is never excessive.
This was one of those spams that caused me to initially think about one of those mammoth burgers from Wendy's. You know, the kind with 18 beef patties, a pound of bacon, dipped in a child's tears and deep fried in the soul of Satan? Yah, that kind.
Then it just got dirty.
2. I am sorry I banged her.
I bet you aren't. But I bet she is.
3. Glamourous glitters on your wrist.
I actually just like to say this one out loud. And I will admit that I only say it with a British accent. Or like Mrs. Howell. Now there's a classy lady with glamourous glitters on her wrist.
4. Whores get attracted easily.
I initially misread this one as "Whores get distracted easily" which I found strangely hilarious. And also - I bet not. I bet that it takes a lot to excite a whore at the end of the day. Because really, she (or he) has seen it all at that point. And to come home to yet another dick, probably not all that attractive. I'm just sayin'.
5. Small cucumber that's why your woman couldn't come.
I think that this would be a great line in a movie. Especially if it was a character like Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast at Tiffany's" yelling it down a stairwell.
6. Massive even when flaccid.
Are you gagging? (that's what she said) Because this one just made me go ugh with a little shiver. Because I can just see it. Lying there, on a leg, all wrinkly and flaccid and massive. Like something out of the back pages of Playgirl only not in a good way.
7. Your mom will love this.
Really? You really think my mom will love this? Because if I open this email and it's anything other than a foot bath or a commemorative Princess Di plate I'm betting high on the fact that Linda will in fact NOT love this. But rather that she would scream at her computer monitor, douse it in Lysol and call the police.
8. Make your trouser mouse a monster.
Ok, it's juvenile I know. But Trouser Mouse! C'mon, that's hilarious! This one could actually be used for some kind of legitimate sexual enhancement product, good work spam writer. Pat yourself on the back for that one.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I come across articles like this. And it makes me realize how much work is left to do. I must admit that my own trans education only came about this year when the Pride Run Board made the decision to allow our runners to choose between male, female and trans when they register.
Until that conversation I never realized the importance of such an issue. It all came down to genitals for me. Not that I've morphed into the resident trans expert or anything - far from it - but I am starting to understand the issues around sexuality and identity a little bit more.
Tuesday night I was fortunate enough to hear Mr. David Rayside speak at our Pride Run reception. He's now a professor at UofT and has been an out gay man since the late 70's. He mentioned that back in the day you were warned not to fall to the back of the crowd at the Pride parade, because you would often be followed and beat up.
I know that I'm being naive and simplistic, but that idea just blows my mind.
I'm participating in the pride parade this year. Proudly. And I'm not gay.
Not to sound like a self-righteous crusader or anything but I am someone who won't - who physically CAN'T - sit in my seat and keep quiet while I have friends that are looked down upon, treated differently, hurt, degraded or made to feel like a lesser person than anyone else.
I don't care if it's a child, a woman, a gay man, a dog or a pigeon. That's right, a pigeon. I said it.
Friday, May 09, 2008
And be happy that this walk has now ended....godwilling.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Angela Chase could totally kick Juno McGuff's ass.
But Michael Sera would have made a wicked Brian Krakow.
Monday, April 14, 2008
But today, today I got to catalogue a score called "Morris Mouse inspects the haunted attic".
I laughed out loud as I was entering it into the database.
I love this gig.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Tune in, turn up!
For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, pick up a newspaper.
And then read it.
April 8, 2008
We are expecting a large and vocal turnout at CBC installations across Canada, in every province where Radio Two is heard and loved. These demonstrations will occur simultaneously at 1200hrs Eastern Time (9am in Vancouver, 1:30pm in St. John’s, etc.). We are inviting all lovers of classical music and public support for the non-commercial arts scene in this country to join with us in calling for the restoration of Radio Two’s vital classical music programming and the reversal of the decision to axe the CBC Radio Orchestra. Let our voices ring out and be heard! We welcome and encourage all members of the print, radio, electronic and television media to cover this important story and join us on this important day for Canada’s classical music community.
The following is a list of local CBC installation addresses across Canada where demonstrations are being planned, including local times and local contact information:
9am Pacific: Victoria: 1025 Pandora Avenue
Contact: Cecilia Porter - firstname.lastname@example.org
9am Pacific: Vancouver: 775 Cambie Street
10am Mountain: Calgary: 1724 Westmount Blvd. NW
10am Mountain: Edmonton: 23 Edmonton City Centre, 10062-102nd Avenue
10am Sask: Regina: 2440 Broad Street
11am Central: Winnipeg: 541 Portage Avenue
Contact: Jonathan Klassen - email@example.com
12pm Eastern: Toronto: 250 Front Street West
1pm Atlantic: Saint John: 560 Main Street
1pm Atlantic: Charlottetown: 430 University Avenue
Contact Kate Huston - firstname.lastname@example.org
1:30pm Newfoundland: St John's: 25 Henry Street
Contact: Heather Joyce - email@example.com
Links and Web Resources:
Save Classical Music at the CBC
Thursday, March 27, 2008
That's right, the author has her cats leashed and in the bathtub during a tornado warning. She definitely deserves a mother of the year award. At least for remembering to bring the camera into the bathroom.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
So in order to celebrate here's a fun Guinness commercial that I bookmarked long ago.
Happy St.Pat's day everyone!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Clearly I'm a bit behind the times because only now (a week later) am I hearing about this speech from Ellen. I heard about it through one of my weekly podcasts The Daily Purge - hilariously hosted by two gays from Chicago - and it was referenced to during a discussion of the Ben Affleck / Jimmy Kimmel video that came out recently. Admittedly, I projectile laughed at that video and have watched it several times since but I get where Ellen is coming from. I find the whole issue a little difficult to process and I don't know if being straight has anything to do with it.
I know that as a woman I get queasy watching the rape and violence storyline's of Law & Order SUV, I had to leave the room during "Boys Don't Cry" and I didn't get a full nights sleep for weeks after seeing that Farrah Fawcett movie The Burning Bed - don't even get me started on the book.
But I also know that I laugh during the terribly politically incorrect moments of Family Guy and South Park. I have the ability - or at least I hope I do - to have a sense of humour about some of these issues without diminishing their importance or seriousness. And while I might not be able to articulate it, I know when my throat starts to close and my stomach drops that something has crossed the line.
I'm not sure if laughing at Ben Affleck and Jimmy Kimmel is an offense to the gay community but I do know that a kid getting killed for a valentine should be an offense to the whole world.
I don't think Jimmy Kimmel is the one that made an 8th grade boy so afraid of a gay person that he felt he needed to kill. So maybe we should ask his parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and siblings what they think.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
So whether you're dealing with your husband/wife; bf/gf; bff; emotional fuckwit; Tivo; cat/dog; Rogers Customer Service Provider - the advice is alike for all.
Happy V-day :)
1. Work on Your Relationship. Like most of us, I learnt what I know about marriage from my parents. When my father once said to me ‘marriage requires attention, the moment you stop working on your marriage is the moment it begins to falter’ I can remember thinking, this didn’t sound very much like the movies. After all a wedding is the culmination of a movie, that’s when everything is all sorted out and you don’t have to worry about anything any more, right? Alas, like in many other things, my father has proven correct.
As we’ll discuss in the proceeding paragraphs, maintaining a healthy relationship requires sacrifices, attention and care. It helps to think of your marriage as a living thing in itself. Like all living things, it needs nourishment and protection, healing when it is sick, and space to grow and flourish.
These are all nice words, but what does that mean on a practical level? It means you need to always think about your relationship and not take it for granted. It means you need to be vigilant against things that might threaten it, not just the obvious things like temptation, but the subtle things like imbalances in responsibility and duty, comparisons to others, jealousy and so on. It means you need to nourish your marriage with thoughtfulness for the other’s needs, find time together and sometimes even time apart. It means when things are going wrong you need to stop and think about how you can improve them and perhaps what sacrifices you need to make. It means that a marriage needs to go forward, to change as you both change and to grow stronger.
2. Don’t Leave Things Unsaid. I watched a movie once – I think it was one of those British romantic comedies – where a man is asked why his marriage failed and he replies “Because we left too many things unsaid” and though I don’t normally take advice from movies, this one I took to heart.
If you don’t voice your problems they have nowhere to go. Worse if you voice them to people not in your marriage – i.e. friends, coworkers, anyone else – then instead of airing your dirty laundry you let it fester.
No matter how long two people have known each other there will still be things that they don’t pick up when unspoken. Sure you may think your partner knows what you’re thinking, but what if they don’t? Which leads us to number 3…
3. Speak Plainly. The very worst thing you can do in a relationship is play games with each other. No, not the twister or monopoly varieties, I mean mind games. It’s tempting when you are in a bad mood or when you don’t want to be hurt to be passive aggressive, to not say what you mean, to make veiled hints in order to test the other person and so on. Tempting, but it doesn’t go anywhere except sour.
I think it’s fairly obvious why clear communication leads to a better marriage, and yet it can be difficult to do. But if you have something to say, whether it is to voice some upset, to show that you care or anything else, then you must speak plainly if you hope for the other person to understand. And if you weren’t hoping for them to understand, why are you talking?
Speaking indirectly usually begins during dating or courting. We do it because it avoids us opening up to being hurt. At this early stage if you were to tell someone how much you liked them and they shot you down it would be painful. So to compensate we move slowly and only hint at our feelings until we see enough back from the other person that we start to open up. This is OK.
The problem is when speaking indirectly continues on into the relationship. At that point you should be able to trust the person enough to express your feelings. If they abuse them then you leave. By keeping your guard up you only put huge barriers in the middle of your relationship.
Speaking indirectly is also a bad idea when one person just doesn’t get it. When you have one partner playing games and the other doesn’t really understand their behaviour at times they will begin to resent the other and inevitably this will lead to problems.
Passive aggression on the other hand is when a partner rather than voicing their upsets appears to be smiling, calm, and usually puts bite into words that shouldn’t have it. Over time passive aggression can become less and less veiled and turn into exasperation, distain even disgust.
Another bad habit is what is called stonewalling. This is when a partner simply shuts the other out, going silent, ignoring them or even leaving for a time. Stonewalling has obvious consequences of frustration and anger and quickly leads to cycles of increasing problems as one person stonewalls while the other becomes more and more frustrated, then becomes less and less reasonable leading to further stonewalling.
If you only take one thing away from my words, let it be to speak plainly, avoid passive aggression, avoid games and avoid speaking indirectly. When you say what you mean and communicate your feelings clearly the other person has a proper chance to respond.
4. Be Vulnerable. Too often we don’t want to put our feelings and thoughts out there. Particularly if we’ve had bad experiences when younger, or if simply taught to be that way by watching our parents and peers. Admitting that you are vulnerable – everyone is – is the corollary to speaking plainly.
It is important to remember that this is your partner and they love you and you love them. Between the two of you, if you both speak plainly and admit vulnerability, then you will be able to resolve problems. It may take time, you may have many hurdles to get over, but what other recourse is there than resolution? After all neither of you are out to get the other - remember you love each other!
The flipside to being vulnerable is you get hurt sometimes. Don’t let this close you off, remember this just means that wasn’t the right person, circumstances or perhaps even a little closer to home, there were other things going wrong. Whatever the case, you don’t need to hide away. Without being open to hurt, you won’t be open to the joys of marriage and relationships.
5. Accept your Partner. It is tempting to find a person and try to shape them into the partner you really want. Trying to change a person never works. People know when they are not accepted in their entirety and it hurts.
You shouldn’t go into a marriage or a relationship thinking to change someone. And if you do remember the most you can do is explain what it is, explain how it affects you or why it affects you and if it’s important, then they may change. And if they don’t, then think about all the things that they may wish changed in you.
Of course if there are too many things you want to change, it is important to face that this may not be the right person for you, or you may be expecting too much. People will be what they will be, spending your marriage life trying to shift habits and personalities is like trying to push boulders up a mountain, tiring and not very fun.
6. Spend Time Together. It’s obvious, but a relationship without any face time is going to have problems. I have met happy couples who spend months apart because of work commitments, but they are few and far between and more often than not, their happiness is more a testament to their character and emotional abilities than anything else.
Of course spending time together doesn’t simply mean being in the same room, it means actively finding time where you engage with each other. It may even take work and effort, but remember from above, a happy marriage takes work!
Spending time together, also often entails spending some time alone. Children, even pets can sometimes be barriers to engaging with one another. Even if you simply have a few moments while they run off, it’s important to be alone too.
7. Make Time for Both Your Ambitions and Goals. It is all too easy to focus on your own goals and ambitions and hope or even assume that your partner shares them. If you don’t know what your partner’s life goals are, ask them.
In my marriage, I have goals that are to do largely with working, whereas my wife wants to travel the world. If we did either and not the other, one of us would feel unfulfilled. The solution is of course balance. We try to do one then a little of the other, then switch.
8. Be Clear and Assertive. While it is important to be vulnerable, to make sure your partners goals are being looked after, that you accept your partner and all the other things we’ve talked about, it’s equally important not to be trampled over. You should always be clear and assertive about your own feelings, your own needs and your own goals. Remember that your own happiness is essential to a happy marriage.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Eighteen-year-old college student Jennifer Kutosa (pictured) relied on the TTC for her daily trip to George Brown College, and for the most part her experiences with the streetcar commute on the busy King St. line were positive. The doors always opened for her and she got to school on the cheap by using her Metropass. But her perception of the public transit service was dramatically altered when those same doors slammed shut on her when she desperately needed help.
Kutosa was beaten by two thugs while trying to board the 504 car at King St. and Yonge on Tuesday at around 3pm, and she maintains the driver of the streetcar saw her ordeal, but closed the doors and took off without helping or calling authorities, leaving her to fend for herself.
The assailants ended up stealing her Metropass and assaulting her in the process.
"I got hit in the head...about four or five times," she recalls.
"The T.T.C. driver took off. He did see me."
Jennifer did her best to fend off the attackers.
"I had the first one by the throat," the feisty teen adds.
A few bystanders tried to help her, but they quickly retreated when the suspects suggested they had weapons and weren't afraid to use them.
"They were claiming that they had guns and that they were going to shoot people. They got away," one of the witnesses claimed.
T.T.C. Chair Adam Giambrone says it's standard protocol for drivers to call police when they see a crime taking place, and they are encouraged to lend a hand if they can.
"The operator's supposed to get in contact with the police, and try to assist if possible," he said.
The two suspects haven't been caught and their diminutive but determined victim has a stern warning for them.
"I have a word for the two boys that did this to me and I call them boys because men would never be so stupid," she wrote CityNews in an email. "I will see you again and cops will be called. They will catch you and you will be praying that you never did this to me. You may have thought that I looked small and was an easy target but you were wrong.
"I put up a fight and I'm going to do everything possible to get you caught for doing this to me."
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Friday, January 04, 2008
Cats + Wigs = The best goddamn thing I've seen yet this year.
And clearly Molly needs one. I'm thinking the white one would go well with his colouring, but the pink one would really set off his little pink nose.
Just imagine the photo shoot that we could have, oh sweet jesus.